Well this is a bit of a touchy subject.
oh well.
another journal entry turned blog.
a bit of time has passed since this occurred... here goes.
"It was two days ago now.
I went to Starbucks to do homework.
(typical.)
and I noticed 2 guys doing BSSM (Bethel School of Supernatural Ministry) homework.
(also typical, that particular Starbucks usually has a number of Bethel students inside.)
At one point I had the spontaneous desire to go sit next to the both of them and tell them we should be friends....
I didn't.
but I wanted to.
anyways, after about an hour or two when they were getting up to leave, one of them came over to me and asked my name. it was one of those things that happens that doesn't surprise you. like you knew it was going to happen all along.
I told him my name and he proceeded to introduce himself as Jonah while he shook my hand. the name fit.
Then came what I didn't expect.
"Do you have pain in your back, neck and shoulders?" he asked.
(Disclaimer: I tell my mom almost every day that I wish my back would go away. For the past month I've been sleeping in our guest bed because of it. I go to the chiropractor and I've even gotten x-rays for it. It's pain that is completely bearable, but exhausting because it wouldn't go away. People who give me massages are always shocked by the knots in my shoulders.)
So. I just stared at him. Dumbfounded.
Then gave a slow, drawn out, nodding, "ye-es."
"How would you like to be healed?" he asked, grinning.
I mean. I shouldn't have been surprised. In Redding, you just hear stories about people asking other people if they have pain that they do or don't actually have. Then they ask to pray. I guess I never expected it to happen to me. and if I did, it would be pain that I definitely DIDN'T have. but this. this was pain that I definitely HAD. and I couldn't deny it, but I also had no idea how to respond to his question.
I, Lauren Hofer was at a loss. A loss to explain that I didn't think I had the faith to ask God to heal me even though I desperately wished I did. A loss to explain that I wondered if God was using my pain for a greater revelation of Himself in my life.
I tried to explain. It probably came out wrong.
In fact I know it came out wrong because we had a few moments of awkward discussion regarding God and where hard things and pain come from. Personally, I'm of the mindset that the hard and painful things in our lives COULD very well be from God, for Him to refine us and make us more like himself. Jonah, on the other hand was of the mindset that although God uses all things for our good, He doesn't send the hard things. A variance of opinion. oh well.
I ended by saying that I was totally down for getting prayed for. even though inside, something was amiss.
Now, looking back, I recognize my apprehension for what it was.
FEAR.
I was afraid of asking God to heal me, because I didn't think it would happen. I've sat on my bed thinking about that very thing numerous times. My own lack of faith to pray for healing.
And I was even MORE afraid of letting someone else pray for me because then I would have to publicly admit that God didn't heal me. and its not like I really NEEDED healing. my pain was bearable. so.... I might as well just not ask for it. right? that way I wouldn't have to deal with my faith issues. Its not that I believe God can't HEAL. Just not when I ask.
The other feeling.. was skepticism.. and even offense.
I was offended, because someone wanted to pray for healing in my body.
I was offended because he had complete faith for it while I didn't.
I was offended that God spoke to him on behalf of me.
Because I didn't recognize these emotions at the moment, I didn't realize the wrongness and hypocrisy I myself was displaying.
Jesus was always offending someone or other in the Bible. Jesus is, today, offensive to the complacent heart. I wanted to stay comfortably inside my little bubble where I didn't have to openly choose a side in the matter of whether or not Jesus still radically heals people on a normal day scenario sort of deal... its not even a matter of sides..
Its a matter of putting God in a box and saying He can or can't, does or doesn't do something.
I have the smallest comprehension of who God is, so who am I to say whether or not he heals that way any more.
So Jonah,
he placed his hand on my back and prayed to Daddy God.
he prayed that the burdens I felt would fall off and symbolically he pulled something off of my shoulders.
he put his hand on my head and prayed in the name of Jesus that my headaches would go away.
I never told him about the headaches.
he prayed that God would be doing things in my family.
I've been praying that God would be doing things in my family.
Then he said amen.
We talked for a bit more. Then he left. I was shaken.
So I've wrestled for the past two and a half days with my beliefs on healing.
This is all I know.
God IS, Jehovah Rophe, Healer.
He is the same, yesterday, today, and forever.
I believe He speaks to us today.
and I believe however He sees fit, whenever He sees fit.
and that He loves to use His kids to do His work, to display His goodness and glory.
Listening to a message at my home church recently, the speaker said something this,
"Jesus heals bodies, so he can heal hearts."
I kind of personally wonder if the same could be said for, "Jesus breaks bodies, so he can break hearts."
then when they cry out to him in agony of spirit. the first phrase applies again. I don't know.
but I do agree with the first statement. When we see miraculous works of God, we cannot help but be changed inside.
So what about my back?
Honestly, I've had inklings of headaches. but the tension knots. I havn't felt them since he prayed. I've been looking and waiting and feeling for the ache that's nearly always there, but it hasn't come.
Jonah (and my chiropractor too actually) said something along the lines of the following.
"Jesus paid the price for healing on the cross."
Jesus paid the price for wellness. When we were separated from God we were literally stuck with pain, but now we have boldness to enter the Holiest of Holies by a new and living way which He consecrated for us. We get to present our prayers and petitions to God. and He says that when we ask for anything in His name for His purpose and for the furtherance of His gospel. it will be give to us. Praise Jehovah Rophe."
Now, a week past. I am feeling some back pain, even though the tension knots are gone. I think more importantly, what God did. was heal me of my skepticism. He used a random guy (my brother actually) to teach me about Himself and heal my heart. and the burdens fell, just like Jonah prayed for.
