I like going places alone.
Well, kind of alone. Alone in that I am unaccompanied by physical persons.
But Jesus, He always goes with me.
Sometimes we walk on bridges or sit on benches.
Sometimes I eat food or get a milkshake and He comes along.
Tonight was one of such outings. I rarely mind that I am unaccompanied in a way that people visually see. In all honesty, it kind of fills me with a sense of confidence.
But there's something I see on my walks with the Lord that jolts me out of that peaceful quiet of loneness.
It is the grasping of hands.
Walking on a bridge at dusk, handholding couples are about in plenty. And in those moments, seeing that symbol of togetherness, my heart pangs in wonderment of what it must be like to be somebody's person, to get them and have them get you. To, as Winnie the Pooh and Piglet have so graciously taught us (not that their relationship was romantic), grasp another's fingers simply "to be sure of them."
It's not usually, "God I wish..."
Or even, "God, why not?"
It is most often,
"God, I wonder..."
Sitting here at my desk, I am convinced that there is nothing better than to wonder with an open heart.
A heart harboring no malice or resentment, merely curiosity.
My pastor once said to me:
"Replace doubt and fear with awe and wonder.
Awe and wonder what God will do."
While in most areas of my life, I haven't quite figured out how to do that yet, I'm slowly learning to wonder. To wonder at the beauty of relationship, but also the beauty of my own freedom. To wonder where I will go and what I will do.
Wondering at one's life when placed in the hands of the Almighty God is, I believe, one of the greatest challenges that we fully surrendered followers of Jesus will face. When we relinquish control of our souls to His perfect will, we so relinquish control of our futures, careers, and relationships (not that we were very good at taking care of them in the first place...)
And some days, it's a struggle to remember that the BEST He has for us is better than our own plans could ever be.
Actually MOST days that is the struggle.
But I believe in my heart of hearts, that as we draw closer and closer to Jesus, putting aside those things which so easily come before Him, His Holy Spirit places dreams in our hearts. As we receive His love and love Him in return, He weaves His will alongside ours in the most intricate and beautiful pattern. Sometimes, our humanness that is oh-so contrary to the holiness of God, creates a bunch of thread that is all mixed up and knotted. In such times, God, in His manner of transforming and leading us on towards that holiness, untangles those bunches of thread and continues on. It is painful to have pieces of yourself so pulled apart, but it is always, always worth it.
Replace doubt and fear with awe and wonder.
Walk in expectation.
Live not in the past or future, but in this moment.
